#scared

if i'd had a little more foresight i might have named my trail journal "pedicures and pepper spray." my to-do list is dwindling (at least for the MST) but it still has lingering items like "buy tarp for hammock" and "make eyelash tinting appt." yes, that's a thing. yes, it's going to happen to me. sorry not sorry.

i'm not a girly girl, i've never been a girly girl, but i do enjoy my twirly dresses and pink cocktails and, yes, pedicures. i have vices, as sarah put it. i like to get muddy but worms make me nauseous. i won't wash my hair for a week and not bat an eye but my armpits have got to be clean shaven. i drive stick - decently. i snowboard - very slowly. i drink beer - if it's really fruity. i want to be a badass, but i am generally not.

so what better way to confront that and up my badass points by a million trillion than to spend three months in the wilderness?

i'm excited - i'm SO excited - for this trip. i've got butterflies 24/7. i'm also full-blown terrified. i'm not even scared about accomplishing it (cause I have no backup plan, heyo!) or running out of food or being tired (former won't happen because PLANS, latter definitely will happen on the daily) or whatever, but confession: i'm scared of bears, and mountain lions, and coyotes, and also possums and raccoons and toads and bears. and i'm scared of other people. and let's not even get into the supernatural things i only believe in when it's creepy out. BUT i know that in all likelihood, if i use common sense i'll be fine. mostly, i'm scared of being scared, and i don't know how to get past that except complete immersion. will i turn into a shaking shell of a human being, or will i be the bravest person alive? stay tuned. updates in about a month.